sometimes difficult situations require radical answers. And there is very
little more radical than Text Your Ex Back by Mike Fiore.
You see, whilstconventional
therapy might offer and since to the difficulties that underlie a relationship
there is a much more direct approach torelationship
looks more like behaviour therapy.
In other words, it’s about taking action in the
here and now to change the situation, and to get the outcome that you want
yourself. As a deep Jungian therapist, I would suggest that often exploring
the deeper issues that lie behind the symptoms of discomfort in trouble and
relationship is very important.
Exploring your shadow can be very revealing about
the factors that influence your attitude and approach to your partner.
on the other hand, there’s a lot to be said for simply taking action to
recover your relationship and ensure that your partner knows how much you
want them back.
Text your ex back is a revolutionary program
which allows a person to use text messaging to stimulate the interest of
their partner, and then over a series of increasingly intimate exchanges,
re-generate love and affection by expressing their feelings in a way that
represents their true opinions and beliefs about their partner without the
emotional difficulties that may have impacted this in the past.
Now this may not make much sense to you unless you
actually look at the program, but what it’s about sending text messages that
initially hoped the interest of your ex-partner, and gradually lead to a
series of ever more emotional exchanges expressing deep feelings of your
partner, the love that used to feel and no doubt can feel again if
circumstances are right.
However one of the prerequisites of using text
your ex back is that you need to ensure that your motivation forgetting your
partner back is realistic — in other words, but it’s not simply about your
ego, that you don’t simply want to get your partner back to prove what a great
chap or woman you are.
Now having said that, there is a fundamental truth
about human nature: which is that a lot of this “need to be needed”. We feel
good about ourselves when we are being supportive, when another person relies
on us, when another person looks to us for advice and assistance.
You will understand, I’m sure, this is no basis on
which to conduct a relationship, and it often means that a person who is more
secure emotionally and themselves, gets exasperated and doesn’t want to
continue in a relationship where the the person is constantly expressing their
emotional needs by trying to care for their partner.
It’s a difficult balance to play, because all of
us have needs, and all of us want those need to be satisfied by intimate
relationship partner — but the truth of the matter is that when you are in a
mature relationship, there’s a high level of independence, a high level of
emotional separation, a high level of Self-reliance, that mitigates against
being dependent on another person for anything.
So text your ex back plays into the strengths of
this, by ensuring that you can actually approach your partner without
expressing neediness, but expressing a whole gamut of feelings and thoughts
and intentions that seem adult mature, so that your partner is actually going
to welcome you back with open arms.
At least that’s the theory! Of course what happens
in practice may turn out to be slightly different, but one of the things that
you can certainly console yourself with the thought that if you use text your
ex back in a way that Mike Fiore describes, then you’re giving yourself the
maximum chance of re-establishing the relationship you want and need to keep
Breaking up is never easy, but it’s certainly can
be reversed if partners want to establish a relationship in a different
foundation — of course establishing a relationship different foundation may be
slightly challenging, but it’s probably worth making the effort because it
will allow you to see what your real needs are in relationship with another
Finally one observation is that whilst Internet
programs for dating and relationship become very popular in recent years,
there’s always the possibility that they’re based on hype and exaggeration,
that they are in fact the kind of product produced just simply to make money,
without any respect for the individual concerned.
I’m happy to say that Mike Fiore has made a career
of the writing Internet programs that have established themselves as leaders
in the field of relationships and dating. He’s also written several programs
for women, in particular Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever, with
Claire Casey, which is the exemplar of online programs for women who want to
attract a man, and establishing deep relationship that is both profoundly
meaningful and exceptionally rewarding.
How To Have Better Sex
Where Did You Get Sex Information?
Where and how did you develop your ideas and
attitudes with regard to, say, paid-for sex and sex workers? Can you remember
back to the time when you first became aware that your parents had sex? And do
you remember when you first discovered that the sex relationship need not have
anything to do with loving a person, but can become a part of a commercial
This is a very hard and ugly fact for young people
to accept and become accustomed to. If it is first presented to a young person
simply as one of many ugly facts about sex, a grave injustice has been done
him. For the young person, that explanation may represent the entire sexual
relationship, making it ugly and forbidding.
Instead, the explanation should place prostitution
in perspective, so that the young person is made aware of the fact that
prostitution and promiscuity are variations of sex. If he fails to get this
idea, his sensitivity and understanding of sex may be blunted. He may adopt
the attitude that sex is essentially dirty, representing only the seamy side
of life, and that is what it may then become in his own life.
Remember, I asked if you could recall when and how
the concept of prostitution first came to you. I have a reason for asking
this. It is extremely useful in clearing up our ideas on any subject to return
to our own initial experiences with it and to review our memory. Thus, we can
determine how we first began to learn and absorb ideas about which we often
become confused later in life. Sex, of course, is one of the areas in which we
become most confused, because sex is surrounded by such excitement, curiosity,
guilt and other disturbing emotions.
How Early Experiences Can Affect You
The following examples will clarify this important
point. A young man I know told his doctor that sex really revolted him. He
became excited by sex play, but disliked himself for the excitement.
Intercourse with his wife was considered by him to be extremely distasteful.
He developed elaborate excuses to avoid it. When he did try it, he ejaculated
prematurely every time. Premature ejaculation was a symptom of his disgust and
desire to get it over with!
Better communication will improve your
He pleaded fatigue, illness, pain, and devised
many other excuses to avoid physical love. Of course, this caused a crisis in
his marriage. He was guilt-ridden, unhappy and verging on desperation. To him,
the problem appeared insoluble.
The doctor asked him to recall his early
boyhood experiences. This was difficult, as it is for many people. The process
was time-consuming, but this young husband was mature enough to recognize that
he needed help, so he returned for visit after visit for counselling. This was
specifically designed to helphim
delay his ejaculation and become a more competent
Finally, the young man remembered vaguely an
incident which he had never before recalled in his adulthood. As a boy of
seven or eight, he had been in the playground when he spotted another young
boy doing something odd. He walked up to him and found that the other
youngster, about the same age, was fondling his penis. At first our young man
remembered watching the boy out of curiosity. Later, he became intrigued by
what the other boy was doing.
His mother came along at just that moment. She saw
what was going on and whisked her son away. First, he recalled, she spanked
him. Then she delivered a blistering lecture to him. She told him his father
would deal with him later when he came home from work. She told him that if
she ever found him around that other little boy again, there would be harsh
discipline. She warned him that if he ever masturbated, there would be even
From then on, the young man recalled, his parents
began to mention the incident to him and to each other. Each time they alluded
to it they took on a grim and forbidding air. The young husband recalled that
several times in the next year when he was spanked, his mother or father would
remark, “You haven’t been the same since that day at the playground.”
In other words, that single incident colored
significantly the whole subsequent life and growth of that child. His parents
normally were strict and harsh in their discipline, and their constant close
association of discipline with sexuality left its mark on the young man.
With the counselor’s guidance, the husband became
able to understand and accept that his own attitudes towards sex were
influenced in a most important fashion by his feelings of guilt and the
prospect of punishment. Thus, sex to this husband meant that he would be
punished somehow for what he had come to believe was a dirty, wrongful act.
Once his guilt and shame diminished, his premature ejaculation ceased and he
gained better control of his sexual responses in bed.
Realization of this all-important factor came
slowly, of course. It seemed incredible to the husband that his attitudes
could have been so firmly established by his early experiences, experiences
which he could barely recall.
Gradually, as the husband understood the
source of his problem, his own attitudes and beliefs began to change. He began
to understand the real meaning of sex in marriage. He became able genuinely to
desire intercourse. He began to read, to learn the facts about his body and
his wife’s. I am happy to say that today, that couple has two children. They
report their sex life as beautiful and highly rewarding. Thus, the husband, by
experiences, by delving into his memory, was helped
to discover the key to a new and fuller life in marriage.
The second case I shall relate deals with a young
woman who believed that she was frigid and could never achieve sexual
fulfillment in her marriage. She told a marriage counselor the following
story: She had been married four and a half years. Prior to the marriage, her
fiance, now her husband, wanted to have intercourse with her, but she refused.
He apparently felt two ways about the refusal. He was annoyed, but he also
felt admiration for her. Prior to marriage they had kissed and fondled each
other, but she did not especially enjoy the touches and embraces.
On their honeymoon, she complained to her husband
that intercourse was painful for her and that they had best show restraint.
Through the four and a half years of marriage, she, like the young husband in
the previous case, made innumerable excuses to avoid intercourse.
Her husband was extremely unhappy about this state
of affairs and talked to her about the possibility of separation; it was this
threat that brought her to a marriage counselor. In subsequent visits, the
husband accompanied her to the counselor’s office. After a few sessions, the
counselor casually asked her to dig back into her life and try to pinpoint a
factor or a group of factors which had caused her to feel that she was afraid
At first she could recall nothing of significance.
Then she remembered something that she said could not really be relevant, but
that she related to the marriage counselor and to her husband.
On the corner, close to the house in which she grew up, there had lived a
bachelor in his late forties. He was a huge, ungainly man, not at all
physically attractive. He was even more forbidding to young children because
he had a scraggly black beard.
All the adults up and down the block considered
him a strange and mysterious person. Thus, to all the children on the block,
parents had given the order to stay away from that man, his house and his back
One afternoon, our young wife recalled, she
happened to be passing the bearded man’s house. At the time she was about
eleven years old.
The blinds were up, the curtains were thin and
transparent, and she was able to see the bearded man stark naked with a nude
young woman. They were running about the house, pausing now and again for an
embrace or a sensual touch. The eleven-year-old girl stood on the sidewalk,
After a few minutes, the woman sat down on a couch
with the man next to her. It was then that the watching child began to realize
that because of their proximity and behavior the nude figures must be having
She went home and told her mother, in all
innocence, what she had just observed. Her mother showed no anger. Rather, she
began a long discussion on the “evils” of sex and told her daughter to blot
out of her mind what she had just seen; and, of course, she forbade her
daughter to go anywhere near that man’s house again.
The mother and, later, the father of that
eleven-year-old took it upon themselves to erase what they felt was a terrible
and forbidding experience for their daughter. They feared that she would be
forever affected by having inadvertently viewed the “awful scene”.
So they set about to tell her about “nice girls”
and how they behaved. They so exaggerated the restrictions of normal sexual
behavior that their daughter grew up with the idea firmly rooted that proper
sexual behavior for a young wife was to indulge in practically no sex at all.
Her parents associated a great many things with
sex, she recalled. As a teenager, she remembered, her parents told her often
that many crimes of violence were sex-determined. She began to believe that
many persons, men and women, were “oversexed” and that this was a common
malady of the times. The net effect of her beliefs was that sex was a curse,
that it caused most people to behave in abnormal ways. She believed, too, that
nothing good could come of sex.
Of course, the mere fact that she faced the
realities of her problem actually relieved the problem to some extent. But it
took a good deal of patience and understanding on the part of the marriage
counselor and her husband to give her a new orientation on the subject of
Today, that couple’s married life has
improved greatly. All the problems are not yet solved, for every once in a
while the wife recalls the strong
emotional pulls of her formative years and must
struggle with them anew. But she is now able to view the entire subject of sex
in marriage with some degree of equilibrium, and one result is that her own
marriage is no longer threatened. She and her husband see themselves as having
made great progress. They are happy to spend more time in working out the
My point in relating these two cases is this: both
the young husband and the wife found they could alleviate their problems,
first by facing them, then by seeking competent help, and finally, by digging
back into their experience to find the cause of their trouble, or at least a
significant part of the cause. This is in part how psychology works.
But not all people need help; it is worthwhile
doing as much as you can by yourself to find out where the trouble might have
started. It is important to note still another point in this connection. In
both cases, parents and their attitudes contributed in an important way to the
distortion of sex in the minds of the two people I have discussed. The parents
themselves had distorted viewpoints and passed them on to their youngsters.
Thus, the children were deprived of accurate
information. They were deprived of a view of sex that had some perspective,
and they failed to gain a comfortable feeling about the subject. The children
failed to grow up understanding the development of the sexual process in
themselves, the place of sex in the world and some of the ways in which sexual
processes occur among other people in our world.