What can you do if your relationship has ended?
Well, sometimes difficult situations require radical answers. And there is very little more radical than Text Your Ex Back by Mike Fiore.
You see, whilst conventional counselling and therapy might offer and since to the difficulties that underlie a relationship there is a much more direct approach to relationship make-up which looks more like behavior therapy.
In other words, it’s about taking action in the here and now to change the situation, and to get the outcome that you want yourself. As a deep Jungian therapist, I would suggest that often exploring the deeper issues that lie behind the symptoms of discomfort in trouble and relationship is very important.
Exploring your shadow can be very revealing about the factors that influence your attitude and approach to your partner.
Text your ex back is a revolutionary program which allows a person to use text messaging to stimulate the interest of their partner, and then over a series of increasingly intimate exchanges, re-generate love and affection by expressing their feelings in a way that represents their true opinions and beliefs about their partner without the emotional difficulties that may have impacted this in the past.
Now this may not make much sense to you unless you actually look at the program, but what it’s about sending text messages that initially hoped the interest of your ex-partner, and gradually lead to a series of ever more emotional exchanges expressing deep feelings of your partner, the love that used to feel and no doubt can feel again if circumstances are right.
However one of the prerequisites of using text your ex back is that you need to ensure that your motivation forgetting your partner back is realistic — in other words, but it’s not simply about your ego, that you don’t simply want to get your partner back to prove what a great chap or woman you are.
Now having said that, there is a fundamental truth about human nature: which is that a lot of us “need to be needed”. We feel good about ourselves when we are being supportive, when another person relies on us, when another person looks to us for advice and assistance.
You will understand, I’m sure, this is no basis on which to conduct a relationship. It often means that the person who is more secure emotionally gets exasperated and doesn’t want to continue in a relationship where the other person is constantly expressing their emotional needs by trying to care for them.
It’s a difficult balance to play, because all of us have needs, and all of us want those need to be satisfied by intimate relationship partner — but the truth of the matter is that when you are in a mature relationship, there’s a high level of independence, a high level of emotional separation, a high level of Self-reliance, that mitigates against being dependent on another person for anything.
So text your ex back plays into the strengths of this, by ensuring that you can actually approach your partner without expressing neediness, but expressing a whole gamut of feelings and thoughts and intentions that seem adult mature, so that your partner is actually going to welcome you back with open arms.
At least that’s the theory! Of course what happens in practice may turn out to be slightly different, but one of the things that you can certainly console yourself with the thought that if you use text your ex back in a way that Mike Fiore describes, then you’re giving yourself the maximum chance of re-establishing the relationship you want and need to keep you happy.
Breaking up is never easy, but it’s certainly can be reversed if partners want to establish a relationship in a different foundation — of course establishing a relationship different foundation may be slightly challenging, but it’s probably worth making the effort because it will allow you to see what your real needs are in relationship with another person
Finally one observation is that whilst Internet programs for dating and relationship become very popular in recent years, there’s always the possibility that they’re based on hype and exaggeration, that they are in fact the kind of product produced just simply to make money, without any respect for the individual concerned.
I’m happy to say that Mike Fiore has made a career of the writing Internet programs that have established themselves as leaders in the field of relationships and dating. He’s also written several programs for women, in particular Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever, with Claire Casey, which is the exemplar of online programs for women who want to attract a man, and establishing deep relationship that is both profoundly meaningful and exceptionally rewarding.
How To Have Better Sex
It is extremely useful in clearing up our ideas on any subject to return to our own initial experiences with it and to review our memory. Thus, we can determine how we first began to learn and absorb ideas about which we often become confused later in life. Sex, of course, is one of the areas in which we become most confused, because sex is surrounded by such excitement, curiosity, guilt and other disturbing emotions.
How Early Experiences Can Affect You
The following examples will clarify this important point. A young man I know told his doctor that sex really revolted him. He became excited by sex play, but disliked himself for the excitement. Intercourse with his wife was considered by him to be extremely distasteful. He developed elaborate excuses to avoid it. When he did try it, he ejaculated prematurely every time. Premature ejaculation was a symptom of his disgust and desire to get it over with!
Better communication will improve your relationship
He pleaded fatigue, illness, pain, and devised many other excuses to avoid physical love. Of course, this caused a crisis in his marriage. He was guilt-ridden, unhappy and verging on desperation. To him, the problem appeared insoluble.
The doctor asked him to recall his early boyhood experiences. This was difficult, as it is for many people. The process was time-consuming, but this young husband was mature enough to recognize that he needed help, so he returned for counseling. This was specifically designed to help him delay his ejaculation and become a more competent lover.
Finally, the young man remembered vaguely an incident which he had never before recalled in his adulthood. As a boy of seven or eight, he had been in the playground when he spotted another young boy doing something odd. He walked up to him and found that the other youngster, about the same age, was fondling his penis. At first our young man remembered watching the boy out of curiosity. Later, he became intrigued by what the other boy was doing.
His mother came along at just that moment. She saw what was going on and whisked her son away. First, he recalled, she spanked him. Then she delivered a blistering lecture to him. She told him his father would deal with him later when he came home from work. She told him that if she ever found him around that other little boy again, there would be harsh discipline. She warned him that if he ever masturbated, there would be even harsher discipline.
From then on, the young man recalled, his parents began to mention the incident to him and to each other. Each time they alluded to it they took on a grim and forbidding air. The young husband recalled that several times in the next year when he was spanked, his mother or father would remark, “You haven’t been the same since that day at the playground.”
In other words, that single incident colored significantly the whole subsequent life and growth of that child. His parents normally were strict and harsh in their discipline, and their constant close association of discipline with sexuality left its mark on the young man.
With the counselor’s guidance, the husband became able to understand and accept that his own attitudes towards sex were influenced in a most important fashion by his feelings of guilt and the prospect of punishment. Thus, sex to this husband meant that he would be punished somehow for what he had come to believe was a dirty, wrongful act. Once his guilt and shame diminished, his premature ejaculation ceased and he gained better control of his sexual responses in bed.
Realization of this all-important factor came slowly, of course. It seemed incredible to the husband that his attitudes could have been so firmly established by his early experiences, experiences which he could barely recall.
Gradually, as the husband understood the source of his problem, his own attitudes and beliefs began to change. He began to understand the real meaning of sex in marriage. He became able genuinely to desire intercourse. He began to read, to learn the facts about his body and his wife’s. I am happy to say that today, that couple has two children. They report their sex life as beautiful and highly rewarding. Thus, the husband, by recalling his early experiences, by delving into his memory, was helped to discover the key to a new and fuller life in marriage.
The second case I shall relate deals with a young woman who believed that she was frigid and could never achieve sexual fulfillment in her marriage. She told a marriage counselor the following story: She had been married four and a half years. Prior to the marriage, her fiance, now her husband, wanted to have intercourse with her, but she refused. He apparently felt two ways about the refusal. He was annoyed, but he also felt admiration for her. Prior to marriage they had kissed and fondled each other, but she did not especially enjoy the touches and embraces.
On their honeymoon, she complained to her husband that intercourse was painful for her and that they had best show restraint. Through the four and a half years of marriage, she, like the young husband in the previous case, made innumerable excuses to avoid intercourse.
Her husband was extremely unhappy about this state of affairs and talked to her about the possibility of separation; it was this threat that brought her to a marriage counselor. In subsequent visits, the husband accompanied her to the counselor’s office.
After a few sessions, the counselor casually asked her to dig back into her life and try to pinpoint a factor or a group of factors which had caused her to feel that she was afraid of sex.
At first she could recall nothing of significance.
Then she remembered something that she said could not really be relevant, but
that she related to the marriage counselor and to her husband.
All the adults up and down the block considered him a strange and mysterious person. Thus, to all the children on the block, parents had given the order to stay away from that man, his house and his back yard.
One afternoon, our young wife recalled, she happened to be passing the bearded man’s house. At the time she was about eleven years old.
The blinds were up, the curtains were thin and transparent, and she was able to see the bearded man stark naked with a nude young woman. They were running about the house, pausing now and again for an embrace or a sensual touch. The eleven-year-old girl stood on the sidewalk, fascinated.
After a few minutes, the woman sat down on a couch with the man next to her. It was then that the watching child began to realize that because of their proximity and behavior the nude figures must be having intercourse.
She went home and told her mother, in all innocence, what she had just observed. Her mother showed no anger. Rather, she began a long discussion on the “evils” of sex and told her daughter to blot out of her mind what she had just seen; and, of course, she forbade her daughter to go anywhere near that man’s house again.
The mother and, later, the father of that eleven-year-old took it upon themselves to erase what they felt was a terrible and forbidding experience for their daughter. They feared that she would be forever affected by having inadvertently viewed the “awful scene”.
So they set about to tell her about “nice girls” and how they behaved. They so exaggerated the restrictions of normal sexual behavior that their daughter grew up with the idea firmly rooted that proper sexual behavior for a young wife was to indulge in practically no sex at all.
Her parents associated a great many things with sex, she recalled. As a teenager, she remembered, her parents told her often that many crimes of violence were sex-determined. She began to believe that many persons, men and women, were “oversexed” and that this was a common malady of the times. The net effect of her beliefs was that sex was a curse, that it caused most people to behave in abnormal ways. She believed, too, that nothing good could come of sex.
Of course, the mere fact that she faced the realities of her problem actually relieved the problem to some extent. But it took a good deal of patience and understanding on the part of the marriage counselor and her husband to give her a new orientation on the subject of marital sex.
Today, that couple’s married life has improved greatly. All the problems are not yet solved, for every once in a while the wife recalls the strong emotional pulls of her formative years and must struggle with them anew. But she is now able to view the entire subject of sex in marriage with some degree of equilibrium, and one result is that her own marriage is no longer threatened. She and her husband see themselves as having made great progress. They are happy to spend more time in working out the remaining problems.
My point in relating these two cases is this: both the young husband and the wife found they could alleviate their problems, first by facing them, then by seeking competent help, and finally, by digging back into their experience to find the cause of their trouble, or at least a significant part of the cause. This is in part how psychology works.
But not all people need help; it is worthwhile doing as much as you can by yourself to find out where the trouble might have started. It is important to note still another point in this connection. In both cases, parents and their attitudes contributed in an important way to the distortion of sex in the minds of the two people I have discussed. The parents themselves had distorted viewpoints and passed them on to their youngsters.
Thus, the children were deprived of accurate information. They were deprived of a view of sex that had some perspective, and they failed to gain a comfortable feeling about the subject. The children failed to grow up understanding the development of the sexual process in themselves, the place of sex in the world and some of the ways in which sexual processes occur among other people in our world.